Aniko’s Story: An Interview with the ERRC’s Women’s Rights Officer
08 March 2017
Aniko Orsos tells her inspiring story of how she went from an impoverished segregated settlement in the South of Hungary, to being Women’s Rights Officer for the ERRC, in an interview with Communications Officer Jonathan Lee on International Women’s Day.
“I was born in Bonyhád, which is around 10km away from the place where I grew up which is called Hidas. We were living in the Roma settlement which was just below the forest, about 70 people. The majority settlement was just over, on the next street.
You know, it was like going back through the ages, from one street to the next. Here you have these Hungarian, beautiful houses – and then a street away in the Roma settlement it’s like you go back 70 years. We had two taps in the settlement where we took water from, no street lights, no garbage collection and no paved roads.
My mom told me that when she was a child she was living in the forest with her parents. Then they came down to where the settlement is now to work at the brick factory. So they start to build – I cannot even call them houses – one room without running water, no toilets inside, nothing. But when I think back now, our childhood was really happy even though we were living in deep poverty. The community was supportive with so much trust and respect. I always felt warm inside as a young child, we had a strong family feeling where love was just natural. I would often fall asleep listening to mystical stories about God’s magic towards good hearted people.
So we were seven: four girls, three boys. I was in the primary school there in the village and it’s funny, but until I went to high-school I had never even left the small village only when I had to go in hospital. There is another town around 5km away but we did not really leave the Romani settlement. We went to our kindergarten and the non-Roma went to theirs in the village.
I didn’t feel a noticeable sense of discrimination then though. The first time I faced this was a bit later. I followed a similar story I guess, to other young Roma girls. I got into a relationship when I was super young, and got my first child when I was 15. It wasn’t forced, it just sort of happened you know.
Because I remember with my sister who is six years older than me, people coming to the house to ask to marry her and it was all arranged and everything. She was married when she was 12.
I can clearly remember crying at her wedding. I was crying because, she was not happy – you have to understand, this idea of being a virgin was important then. So this guy said to my family “if you don’t give her to me as a virgin, then I will find her somewhere and take her virginity anyway, then it will be a big shame for you.” Anyway, after 3 months she came back.
Later, when I was 12, a boy came to ask for me and I said no. I was the first to do this for as long as anyone could remember. He came from his village, with older people from our village, with music and everything, to ask for me. And I said to him – as you can see I was always a bad girl – I asked ‘hey, tell me, do you know me?’, and he said no. I asked ‘do you love me?’ and he said yes. ‘How?!’ I didn’t know him, I didn’t love him, I didn’t want to get married!
I saw my sister’s decision – she got this guy, she dropped out of school and then three months later she was back with nothing. They went to the school, talked to the director about it and he agreed that she could ‘deregister’ because she was getting married. But after me, I think other girls saw that – okay, the community was angry, but it is possible to say no. Other girls started refusing marriage offers then too.
Anyway, my sons’ father he was a Hungarian.
What do you mean by Hungarian? He was a Gadjo from the Hungarian village.
There was such conflict between the parents. His mom was so unhappy that he was with a Romani girl. She was causing so many problems when I had my child, she was ‘educating me’ on how to dress, how to do everything.
And what did your parents think of him? Of you being with a non-Romani man? They were not happy at all. You know, he was 10 years older than me as well. He was 25 and already had a wife and kid before me. Also for my parents, they didn’t want me with him because I had always had a dream to be a doctor.
Was there any sex education then in the school that you can remember? No! No, it was crazy, nothing. The thing is, at home I didn’t get any education like that, but I was attending a health training course. I remember reading from biology books how a woman gets pregnant but I was not really ‘reading’ you know? Plus we were taught this was forbidden by the community, and by God, and in this small Roma settlement people were always watching you, but it was so ingrained supposedly that even if they were not, you would still not have sex.
And did you stay in school after you got pregnant? No. No, I left the school when I was 15 to have my child. I got pregnant when I finished Primary school so I never got to finish my high school education, then I had my second son when I was 17. It wasn’t until I was 25 that I decided to restart school.
What made you decide to go back? I couldn’t handle the settlement anymore. There was such poverty, and everyone was working for this awful factory. The boys’ father, before, he had a leading position in a coal mine, but then when he had to move to the Roma settlement he got a job at a chemical factory.
He had to move to the Roma settlement? Oh yeah! That was the only way I think for my mom, that we could be allowed to be together.
But for the Roma in our community, most of them were working in these really dangerous factories. They had no real education, and if they were not in the factories, they were working almost like slaves in the non-Roma houses, working for food rather than money.
How did you get out of there? How I you end up back in education?
I started some Catholic sponsored training course which gave you a certificate. The teacher there, he came to me, and he told me ‘you are the best student here’, which was not really hard! And he said ‘I think it would be great if you went back to high school and finished your studies’. And I thought ‘Oh my god, me? I have two kids and all this work, how am I going to do that?’
But, after this training, I thought ‘Why not? Let’s try’. At that time there was this Soros Scholarship program for students and mentors. In the streaming, I met this NGO with whom I am also still working today, I run that NGO now actually. At that time though, I was a student there and they gave me a scholarship and a personal teacher, this is how I could manage to finish my high school education. So everything was going really well.
I just wanted to get my high school education, but my husband did not want to support me. When I first said I was going to go back to school he said ‘What’s going to happen with the home?’
I said to him: ‘Look. You need me to be educated because of the two boys.’ And I really wanted to do something else other than stay forever in this small Roma settlement. I didn’t want to have to go to the neighbours and cut the grass or help with things around their apartment or whatever, just for food for us and the kids. But he was saying ‘Oh, you know if you start, you will meet a lot of people and we will not be together anymore’!
So what made you want to go into Roma Rights specifically? After 10 years, you decided to finish your education to get yourself out of poverty in the Roma settlement – was there something, or some incident that made you want to go into human rights work fighting for Roma?
The reason I decided to go and study was not complicated. After a few years I figured out that me, and the boys’ father, we didn’t fit.
And this was the point I think, when I felt that I didn’t have anyone to support me. My father was working for the factory but we were seven in the family, and my mom did not have any income. I was feeling for the first time, guilty. I thought ‘fucking hell, I’ve had these kids without thinking properly, and now I have this situation. I cannot ask them to help me. I have to do something’. I decided: ‘no more with him’ I would rather struggle alone, I didn’t care anymore.
I started that training then, and it was supported by the employment office, we were getting some money for attending that. And then I started the high school, and at the same time I was working for the ministry of education and also volunteering for this NGO in Pecs, and in the last year of my high school I got an opportunity to apply for a scholarship in England.
It was a leadership training program and there was a huge competition so I have no clue how I got it, without English! But somehow I got it, and I froze my studies for the last year and I went for one year on this program. I learned so many amazing skills there, which I didn’t even dream of. I didn’t want to go at first, when I learned that I won it I thought ‘Oh no! How am I going to go?’ I had the two boys and I was alone.
In the end, my brother took care of the two boys while I went to England. Big thanks to my brother who make it possible for me to go and have such amazing experience. And really, I think that this time was the best I had ever had up until that point when I was there. Because you know, it was not only England – I had three months in Brighton, three months in Denmark, then Bulgaria and finally in Hungary. We were learning so many things all the time. The trainers were so incredible. And you know – I came back and for the first time, I felt strange in my own community.
That’s a hell of a thing to do, it’s very brave thing to decide to do that. It was a crazy thing to do! I didn’t want to go at first, I couldn’t imagine staying there. I remember the first thing when I got there, I came out of the airport with 5 pounds and a piece of paper and they said ‘here is the address of your host family’.
I was calling my brother to come and get me. I couldn’t speak to anyone because of my English, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t sleep in the night because I was alone in the room. I had never had my own room, when I was a child I was with my sister all the time. Always I was touching up against someone when I was sleeping, first my sister and then my husband and then the kids.
But then I got used to it! Having my own money, doing whatever I liked. It was the first time I attended a disco for example. It was really nice.
So it seems like you went into Roma Rights sort of as a natural progression, it wasn’t for these more personal reasons, but something you had always felt strongly about?
Yes, I always wanted to make this change. I think it was because, in a way, I saw it from the other side. I was living in a Roma settlement, but because of my kidney problem I spent three years in a hospital in this Hungarian world. So I saw all these Hungarian people around you know, and I saw how they dress, how they live etc. So when I was going back I thought: ‘it shouldn’t be like this, just because they were born there, and I was born here!’ I thought: ‘I could do the same things as these Hungarians’ and have a same conditions and make it possible for other Roma as well to reach the same. And this feeling continued for me later, but particularly this experience with my husband taught me something important – that I don’t want to be told what to do, I don’t have to depend on anyone else, and I don’t have to do these things that they tell me just because of what I was born.
What are you and the ERRC working on now to allow Romani girls the opportunities to get to a similar position as you?
The main project I am working on now involves the number of Romani girls who drop out from education, comparatively early in regard to the majority population. We are particularly focused on this issue in Serbia, Macedonia and Albania where early marriages are a significant barrier to equality for Romani girls.
The project is still in the drafting stage, but I’m hopeful that this could bring about real, lasting change for Romani women in the region. We are not solely trying to convince the parents to keep their girls in school, we are primarily asking the state to respond and take responsibility to reduce the number of school dropouts of Romani girls. We want them to openly acknowledge this issue and commit to action to reduce this. We are saying: ‘look, there is a minimum school leaving age, and the early school leaving rate is much higher for Roma than non-Roma, what are you going to do about this?’
Also related to this is the work we do on school segregation. For well over a decade, the ERRC has challenged school segregation of Romani children inside the courts and outside, and has of course scored historic victories such as DH vs the Czech Republic. As the tenth anniversary of this judgment approaches, it is so important to insist that our children are taught in integrated schools. Back when I was working for the Ministry of Education in Hungary, I remember that was a key issue. Parents would say: ‘we don’t want our kids in with the Roma because they have a lower attainment level and the teacher will not help our kids’. But this is the way to improve things for both – research has shown that Romani children thrive in integrated learning environments, and inclusive education benefits all children, Roma and non-Roma alike, both academically and socially. It is so important to ensure that all Romani children can be assured of a good start in early childhood education and care, and have access to quality inclusive primary and secondary education. Both boys and girls need education in sexual and reproductive health to enable them to make informed choices about their own lives. We need to reduce early school leaving among Romani girls, empower them to succeed and create opportunities for these girls to realise their potential and fulfill their dreams.
For more on ERRC’s work on women’s rights see: (http://www.errc.org/en-search-results.php?mtheme=17)
